I’ve known Alex Wrekk for many years from being a part of the zine community and through the great Russian blogging website, Livejournal. She does the zine Brainscan and has published two editions of Stolen Sharpie Revolution, a DIY zine resource. She also runs a button press company, Small World Buttons. Recently, she put me up for a few days in her spare bedroom when I went to visit Portland, Oregon. It was then that we did this interview. After speaking with her I realized that a number of the questions I asked were answered in issue 26.5 of Brainscan, so if you want to know about her relationship with her partner or how she affords to live, then check it out!

Tell me about the next trip you’re taking.

We (Alex and her partner Paul) really wanted to go to Riot Fest.

What is Riot Fest?

It started a few years ago in Chicago and we went and got to see The Dead Milkmen and Screeching Weasel and all those bands you listen to when you’re a teenager. We saw that The Dead Milkmen, Weston and Plow United were playing the one in Philadelphia this year. Paul has family he hasn’t seen before in New York and my sister wanted to go to Riot Fest so we thought since we’re going to be on the east coast we could go to the Richmond Zine Fest, too.

For someone who has never been to a zine fest – I know they’re all different, but in a general sense – can you explain what they’re like?

Some are a single day, some are two days, some have workshops and others don’t. Mostly all of them are in a big room or a couple of rooms that have tables in them. And on the tables people are selling and trading zines. Some people have different amounts of other things they allow. The (Portland) Zine Symposium (which Alex helps run) says that your table must be 51% published titles: books, zines, comics, etc. Our tables are generally cheaper because you don’t make a lot of money selling zines.

Besides your own fest in Portland, what is one you really like?

I like the Richmond one because I’ve been there – this will be the third time I’ve gone. I like the London Zine Symposium. Besides being in a different country it was in a trendy area of a big city. It was people wandering in not knowing what was there, but it’s been going so long. It’s the same with the symposium in Portland. It’s kind of this institution, but this was a very large city, unlike Portland. I got to meet a lot of my friends who do zines in the UK.

Brainscan Zine Table at the Portland Zine Symposium

How often do you get people who know nothing about zines asking you what they are about? Not just people at a zine symposium but in general.

I feel like I’ve built a little castle for myself where I don’t go outside of that except for this woman who lives next to my parents’ river house. She was like, “Your mom talks about these zine things and I don’t understand. Can you tell me more about it?” Everyone who has been in zines long enough has that 30 second talk: “Well, they’re kind of like these self-published magazines and you can do anything you want to. Some people do comics, some people do writing, some people do collage, and some do non-fiction or fiction. You can do it anyway you want. You don’t have an editor telling you what to do. It can stop there or it can be something bigger. You can trade it with other people or you can put them in stores and distros.”

It’s often asked, “How do you make money off this?” and that’s not the point. Zines are a hobby. For me they are. Some people may use it as a stepping-stone for a bigger thing but for me it’s a hobby and for being part of a community.

On a more personal note, what do you think is your biggest fault?

I’ve had a really hard time speaking up before. I’ve gotten a lot better at saying what I mean or finding creative ways to say things and not be hurtful about it. Sometimes it’s difficult.

I don’t remember people very much. I meet a lot of people so it’s hard to remember. You meet people and they’re in different cities each time and I feel like a jerk.

I’m not as social as I could be.

You were saying to me yesterday that there are some days you don’t leave the house.

Yeah, definitely. There are days I don’t leave the house except to go on a walk or something. I have a handful of really close friends and I have a lot of people I work on projects with but sometimes I wish I was more social but I just don’t have the energy for it. I think part of learning my own boundaries is realizing what I can do and what I can’t do. I really don’t wanna go out and party and go to shows and drink a lot. I do a lot of work creating a house that I’m really comfortable in and a space I’m really happy with that – why do I want to leave? Maybe that’s a fault, too. I don’t know.

Do you think that’s a product of getting older or is it just you?

No, I think it’s probably a product of getting older. I don’t feel like I’m doing it because of obligations like children or because I have a demanding partner. It’s just me.

What’s something you used to believe in that you don’t believe in any more? (This question has been a problem. I keep asking it in interviews and it seems like people keep defaulting to religion so if you can think of something else that would be great but if not that’s okay.)

Yeah, religion is an easy one. I used to have a lot of faith in people’s intention. Like, “I didn’t intend to hurt you,” and I would say, “Oh, okay then.” But the thing is you did still hurt me and hurt other people so your intention doesn’t really mean anything if you don’t see how it was hurtful. I used to believe, “Well, that person didn’t really mean it,” but then I realized that they keep doing the same thing.

I also used to believe in punk. Not to say I don’t believe that it can do good things, but I don’t let that blanket who that person is. I’m sure as you get older and as I get older you have lots of friends who aren’t punks, although I do find it difficult to be friends with people who don’t come from that background. So this whole part of my life is the base of my ethics and my beliefs. How do I explain that to someone who didn’t live it?

That’s why it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t understand that. They’ll say, “I’ll just stop in McDonalds for a sandwich,” and I’m like, “No.” I’m a minimalist, too, which goes back to my punk rock ethics so I don’t understand people who want to buy all kinds of stuff. Do you think there’s a way to overcome that or do you think that’s just the way life is?

I think you can create relationships where you can’t always expect your partner to like all the things you like or do all the things you do. But at the same time you have to be okay with that. And I know there are things that Paul and I have differences with and I feel no need to change him and he feels no need to change me. When something is threatening your boundaries you talk about it.

But it seems like Paul comes from a similar enough background that the two of you can relate.

Oh yeah. I feel really fortunate for that. Having someone who has known you through some of the worst times of your life and who still loves you after all that feels really good.

Have you ever tried dating people who weren’t in that similar ethic?

I dated a raver once.

How’d that work out?

It was very weird. It didn’t work out. It wasn’t over any consumer issues, we just were like, “Yeah, we’re not going to do this anymore.”

The DIY movement is something that is very contradictory to how our society is. And people don’t understand that. It’s kind of like a religion –

No, it is. We were talking about that the other day. I joke that I’m DIY by default. Part of that was my parents. My mom was really crafty and made things a lot. It is like a religion in the sense that your default is, “How can I make this myself?”

I think there are people who have a DIY approach to things such as computers or carpentry but they look at just that one thing. They don’t look at it as an ethic that underlies everything they do. But thinking about things outside the box with issues. How to approach your politics, where you eat, what you eat, what you wear – it runs a lot deeper to me than “I like to craft things on my own.” That’s a good start—

But it doesn’t filter into everything else you do. I think I’m really fortunate to live in Portland where there are a lot of people here like that. I don’t know whether it’s a trendy thing or not but there’s definitely a DIY spirit here.

Yeah, there are so many restaurants here. People here don’t start up a restaurant and make it into a huge chain. Maybe there’s a few of those, but…

I think Greg Means (creator of the comic zine Clutch) put it best when he said Portland is the kind of city where you say, “I have this great idea!” and a bunch of other people will jump up and say, “That’s a great idea! How can I help you?” Because they support that kind of industrious, DIY spirit.

There was a woman who just did a PhD dissertation in linguistics on zines and how people tell a story and the physicality and word choice. She sent it to me and when she did she said, “I didn’t understand how important DIY was and the mechanics of it.” Now she wants to go do more research on DIY and how it fosters these creative things.

How long has the idea of not wanting kids been instilled in you?

I’ve never wanted kids. At this point I like my life so why would I want to complicate it? I enjoy what I do. My sister doesn’t want kids either and even playing with dolls as a kid we would make these elaborate scenes but we wouldn’t interact with them. We weren’t concerned about the children thing but more about the space that they live in. She’s an architect now, so…

That makes sense.

But I don’t have any interest. I don’t see how it would better my life.

Do you think you have other reasons as to not wanting kids?

Well, we live in an overpopulated world with a finite amount of resources. It’s difficult because I don’t want children and can’t understand why other people don’t want children. But if they do, I really want them to want those kids. I want them to adopt kids. I want them to have kids that are loved and cared for and have two parents and I don’t care what the gender of the parents are. I just think it’s important for kids to have two people to count on. It makes me sad that there’s so little of that in the world.

It’s a difficult thing to talk about without sounding like a calloused jerk. I feel like this conversation can go differently depending on who I’m talking to. I don’t want my friends with children to think they’ve made a bad decision or that I judge their decision. It’s just a decision I have for myself and I don’t understand how it could pay off.