Roy and I met through our mutual music connections (he worked for a record label and I ran an online zine) many years ago and then found ourselves as roommates in Seattle for two years. He is certainly the best roommate I have ever had. He has some of the most interesting stories you’ll (n)ever hear and has led a life full of ridiculousness. He’s also a dear friend who has exposed me to a lot and continued to help me on my path in life. Thanks Roy!

What was elementary school like for you?

I remember getting in trouble in Kindergarten for the first time for using the red crayon on the carpet and not trying to deny it to the teacher. But elementary school was pretty bland and vanilla. It was rural Kentucky. Everybody was white and everybody was for the most part poor. There wasn’t a big class difference as far as the rich kids and poor kids. I always tended to gravitate towards the girls for whatever reason. I think it was because I wasn’t into sports and at that time I was really into animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. I didn’t get into racecars and all the shit boys talked about. Sixth grade was when things started changing: all of us were getting older and people started hitting puberty.

I do remember I had a best friend named Quent and we were together all the time. In retrospect I think he was probably gay because of the things we had in common. When we both hit puberty there was this sort of “guilt by association” thing so that neither of us wanted to hang out with one another. It was strange how that happened but we just quit talking to one another. I still look for him online and hope to one day find him and see where he’s at and how he’s doing.

Have you ever visited anyone in jail or been in jail yourself?

I’ve never been in jail and I really want to one of these days. I’ve had so many crazy experiences but I’ve never been arrested and I’m hoping that one day I can do that. I have visited people in jail. When I used to be a youth leader [at church] there was a kid in my youth group who had been put in jail for stealing something. It was a repeated thing for him. I went to visit him and he seemed to be having a good time. He seemed to like it. And sure enough, as soon as he was let go three days later he robbed another store and got put back in jail. I think jail kind of suited him because he didn’t have to worry about anything and he was taken care of.

There was a guy I worked with and I didn’t get to see him in jail but I did see him right before he got arrested. He was a weird guy and a lot of people didn’t like him. He went to the same high school that I did and he was the Satanist and in rural Kentucky that was a really big fucking deal. And basically his Satanism was equated to the really shitty 666 tattoo he had on his arm. But I worked with him and one day he came to work and he was torn up because his wife had left him. He didn’t come into work one day and we found out he had killed his wife and buried her along the street where he had lived which wasn’t very bright. You’d figure if you were going to go that far you’d think it out a little better than that. And as far as I know he’s still in prison.

You didn’t ever visit him, though?

No, I wanted to but he got moved to a prison in Western Kentucky. It all happened pretty quickly because he admitted to killing his wife. There wasn’t a huge trial as far as I remember, but that was years ago.

You have toured with a bunch of bands – which was your favorite and why?

Definitely mewithoutYou. That was in 2004, when I got laid off from Tooth & Nail [Records]. They’re just sweet, wonderful people and I really like their music. Aaron (vocalist) and Ricky (drummer) are both incredible guys to sit down and have a conversation with.

So, speaking of music, I’d like you to tell me about your experience playing in a metal band in high school.

In high school I was in a band whose name I don’t remember and we didn’t write a lot of material but mainly did cover songs. I remember doing “Creeping Death” by Metallica and “In My Darkest Hour” by Megadeth. We were doing a bunch of songs and I don’t remember all of them but we were trying to branch out and do our own stuff. In rural Kentucky we thought being cutting edge was trying to cover a Faith No More song. I graduated high school in 1989 and in the early 90s after I became a Christian I put together a Christian metal band with the guys who used to be in the band I was in. I got them all to become Christians and we started this Christian metal band called Penitent. We made up t-shirts – World Tour t-shirts actually. I think our final show was a birthday party for a kid in my youth group and we promptly emptied the gymnasium two songs in. I don’t think anybody wanted to hear what we were playing.

Penitent – Roy is on vocals. Please keep in mind this is the early 1990s.

There should be a Penitent reunion tour.

Yes, after all these years. One of the funny things is that I remember we used to practice at the church I went to – this little Southern Baptist church. There was a big scandal that started because we were practicing there and kids would come see us. We had this small following and I don’t know why, because we were terrible. I think kids just wanted to come hang out. But we had these kids show up and the church threw a fit about it because we were playing this kind of music they didn’t understand which was death metal, thrash metal – that sort of stuff. We also had these kids showing up that they didn’t trust and didn’t really know. I had to go meet with the elders at one point and they chastised me and said what I was doing wasn’t right and all this other stuff. That was the beginning of my conflict with Christianity and the church, I suppose. I remember leaving that meeting and thinking, “I’m going to take on the establishment! I’m going to take on the world!”  And essentially I just left there and gave up.

Penitent! NO!

*laughing* We could have been so big! I remember we used to play a Tourniquet [Christian metal band] song, too, but I can’t remember which one.

“Ark of Suffering?”

Oh yeah! It was “Ark of Suffering!” I was thinking it was another song but that was it. I remember we used to always play the song right up to the solo and then no one could play the solo so we quit.

If you no longer consider yourself a Christian, why are you involved with GCN (Gay Christian Network)?

That’s a good question and a question I get quite a bit. I really don’t talk about my own personal faith too terribly much with people because it’s subject to change. You’re talking about a belief system when you talk about the hereafter and about God and to even talk about it diminishes it to a degree. I don’t identify as a Christian anymore because I don’t find much within Christianity that I want to be associated with. The reason I’m involved with an organization such as GCN is that I know a lot of people who grew up or are currently a part of evangelical Christianity and they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. I want their experience to be different than what mine was. I had a very tough time dealing with being a gay person while also trying to be a Christian. And Christianity was something that was very serious to me. It was a decision I made a little bit later in life – I was 18. So it wasn’t something I grew up with although it’s impossible in the rural South to escape it.

All that being said, what’s something you used to believe that you don’t believe anymore?

I guess this all goes back to religion, but the idea that man is flawed or “wicked,” as Scripture says, is just wrong. There are very few people that do things strictly to be evil. I think it’s complicated and the more we travel and the more we read and the more we meet people the more we realize that the framework we’ve created of our world is often very fragile and not very accurate. To compensate for that I think we make decisions and do things that are hurtful to ourselves and hurtful to other people but we’re trying to do the best we can with the information we have.

Since we’re talking about a philosophical-related thing, I’m curious who your favorite philosopher is and why.

I would say Nietzsche is definitely there. He attacked everything. There was no sacred cow. He called himself a hammer and I believe that was indicative of what he was doing and what he was about. I’m definitely a big advocate that if something tries to make itself into a monument we try to destroy it. If it can be destroyed it definitely should be. I would say that someone who probably leans a little closer to me is Jacques Ellul. He’s a Christian and was contemporary but he was also an anarchist. He was someone who attacked orthodoxy and who asked, “What are the essential truths of Christianity?” He was one of the first philosophers who was a person of faith that I came across that I felt like was really trying to tackle that story and interpret it differently than I had ever experienced before.

Here is Roy, wielding Nietzsche.

Do you ever think you’ll feel too old to do anything?

I hope not. I went to see The Black Angels last night and I went to see Nick Cave’s band, Grinderman, last Saturday and a few days prior to that I went to this punk show that was mostly younger kids. I hope that as I get older I don’t lose that flavor for life. I love expression and I love people. Whether that’s someone screaming or writing a good book – I hope I never get weary of that. And I’m not just talking about shows. I mean just experiencing life. I hope I never get tired of that and give up.

What’s a good book that you’ve read recently?

There’s a book called Silence by Shusaku Endo. The book was written in the 60s and takes place in Japan in the seventeenth century. It’s an interesting book not only as far as the story but theologically and philosophically. You have these priests who at one time were accepted and admired in Japan and then Japan took on a new leadership that kicked all the priests out. Well, the Catholic Church was still sending priests in and there were still pockets of Christianity throughout Japan at that time. And there’s one priest in particular who was wrestling with the idea that he was there to spread the Gospel and knowing that part of Christianity is the idea that as a Christian, you will be persecuted. But his being there is causing a lot of pain, torture and death to the community. There are people who are being tortured and killed because they support him. He’s really wrestling with wondering whether it’s God’s will that people be tortured like they are.

What do you think is the worst way to die?

I think prolonged agony. Whatever the case might be. I think drowning would be pretty terrifying. I used to fly a lot for work and I still fly a few times a year and I often wondered what it would be like to be on a plane that is going down. Because you’re not just dealing with your own terror but you’re also dealing with the terror of many other people and how they react in those circumstances. I would say that’s up on my list too.

On the total opposite end of things, being that we’re in the “holiday” season what is your favorite holiday and why?

Any holiday that gets me out of work is a pretty good holiday as far as I’m concerned. But I would say Christmas – even though it’s a religious holiday – is a pretty good holiday for me because that seems to be a time when my family is all together. And we all get along fairly well.

What is your favorite season?

Spring because the cold and snow is disappearing. Especially in the Northwest, after we’ve had four to six months of gray the sun is starting to come out. It also represents the possibility of what summer can be.

What kind of clubs or organizations were you involved with in high school?

I joined the pep club one time.

No way!

I did. We went to games, but I don’t even remember what we did. I just know I joined because it got me out of class.

And speaking of high school, what does Ronald Reagan mean to you?

I don’t remember much about Ronald Reagan. More of my understanding of Ronald Reagan and most of history, actually, comes from grindcore and hardcore bands that used to sing about it all the time. I think I learned more about history from a DRI record than I ever did in a history class. I think that’s more a testimony of how horrible the Kentucky education system is. I remember some of the conversation at that time about Ronald Reagan and wondering why it was important. I remember there was a lot of questioning of Ronald Reagan’s religious beliefs and thinking in Junior High, “What does this have to do with anything?” I guess it goes to prove that America has a boner for God.

Me, Roy, and a blow-up doll he got from Chuck Palahniuk. For real.